It’s time to spice things up

If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you know, it might be just the time to spice things just a bit.These days, it seems like we all have so much going on. I know, I got a lot of going on and I know you got a lot of going on in your life. But I am still in love.

And even though I got a lot going on, I still want to really have an amazing love life. There a lot of challenges that we all face. And we deal with family problems and business problems. And all kinds of different things. But I know for me, my love life is really important. So, I’m going to share with you some of the things that I’ve done that really have help me to stay connected to my spouse. That’s really what my life is all about is just staying connected. Having that really amazing love life together. And so, what are the things I have done that that I really made a difference is right here. — Appreciation. I know that when I show my husband appreciation, he feels that love from me. He feels that connection.

And even though I might have a lot of going on in his mind. And he’s out there trying to fix things and you know, he’s the protector and provider of the family. I know that when I show him that appreciation for doing what does, I know it makes a difference. And when I show him appreciation, he then starts to show me appreciation. And I love that. I want to show you the next one. Something I think that’s really important. And sometimes, we kind of missed out on this. Because of we’ve got so much going on and we’re, you know, I’m going one way and he’s going another way.

We kind of tend to be going in opposite directions most of the time. I have found this one really helps a lot. I try to take a moment during the day. And in a day, when I… When he might be going one way, I’m going in other way. I find that moment, when we can connect, even if it is for like less than a minute, it can be just 10 seconds. And I take my eyes and I lock my eyes down on his eyes. And we have this eye to eye moment.

You know, that’s a great for a kiss? That’s a great time for a kiss. But besides the kiss, it’s that moment where our eyes connect. Even if it’s just for a moment of the day. That moment, when I feel connected with him and he feels connected with me, it’s like “Ah, right there.” We got that connection. And we can still be doing all the things that we got to do. We can be, you know, I’m going my way, he’s going his way. But we’ve had that moment together and ugh! That makes such a difference for me. I know I feel really fulfilled when I have that connection and I know it makes a difference for him, too.

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Relationships are hard

Relationships are effort. Not hard, as in a chore, but hard as in needs consistent effort.I was married. Our relationship was easy and we were pals. We believed that’s all it took– was just to be pals. We continuously operated at our relationship since friendship is fun and generally quite simple. We liked constant effort.

Then we realized possibly we wanted more and relationship wasn’t enough. After 17 years, we parted on good terms and he went on to find the love of his life.

Me … I’m uncertain. I remained in a long term relationship. I remember fulfilling him and finding out he was unlucky in love. Women are natural fixers. We think somebody hasn’t been loved enough or the right way. We see wounded souls and we want to like them into healing.

how to enjoy a damaged man

That does not work.

I thought I ‘d be various, however I wasn’t due to the fact that his issues were within himself, regardless of the people around him.

He believed relationships were hard. I had a different meaning. I thought they were easy. When I told him that, I suggested that the work ought to be a pleasurable activity. He took it that I didn’t need work or attention. I didn’t understand any various to explain the distinction at the time.

In the course of our very long relationship, I discovered so much. I discovered people and the discomfort they want to continue to carry and live through. I found out love isn’t enough.

I found out that we all require constant effort– in ourselves, in our relationships, in company and in anything we want to see continue to grow.

What you do not use, you lose

how to lose.

I learnt more about cautioning signs. I also have a degree in psychology so I truly started paying attention to people and their subtle activities and I developed a check list.

– See to see if a male returns a shopping cart to the confine or just puts in anywhere. Someone has to go get this cart. It makes their task simpler if people put them back with all the other carts.

Someone that acts by doing this, naturally is more attuned to attempting to make the lives of other individuals simpler versus someone that doesn’t think about repercussions.

– Grumbling about their ex. Their are realities and then there are deceptions and living in the past.

I keep in mind the scary stories that I was told about how other women treated him. I was frightened. I had no information to even start to understand what would make women act that way. And then I understood. They were reacting to him. Violence begets violence sometimes.

It’s okay to discuss what didn’t work in the past, but watch out for the individual that is bitter and lives through that lens.

– Other women. Jealousy was quite foreign to me. I would never ever feel terribly about somebody that had something that I didn’t. They are an inspiration and a symbol of what is possible.Jealousy frequently gets incorrect for lack of respect.

If a man does not treat you with respect or his relationship with you however tips over other women and you state something. That’s not jealousy that you are reacting to however a disrespect.

Focus on how a man is around other women. If they are not considerate I have actually seen two things, their relationship with their mommy or another female figure is bad. Also they tend to act this out by treating women as items instead of as equates to.

– Listen to how he speaks about his mom and/or sibling. These are all warning indications to expect– not set rules. Household problems are deep and generally set up unpleasant, subconscious, reactive qualities that the individual acts through.

– Do your discussions feel complete or are you always entrusted to a sensation of just needing to bury something? Some people are really good at obstructing all communication. Not having closure, even in an easy conversation can be really upsetting to your mind and your heart.

– Silence. I can’t say sufficient about this, paradoxically. If someone gives you silence instead of actively working things out with you. Proceed. No matter how tough it is. Silence is not good and it will end up ruining your sanity. You deserve the effort of conversation and working out issues with.

Hearkened warning signs. You are worthy of to be liked. You deserve to be treated well. You should have effort.

how to do not hesitate

I encountered this and I am publishing this here because I think it is extremely well stated …

curated material

Do not settle–.

Not in a job you hate, not in a town where you do not feel at home, not with friendships that aren’t genuine, and especially, not with love.

You should have someone who will smile at your silly jokes, who will kiss your forehead when you’ve had a long day, and who will absentmindedly grab your hand across the center console when he’s driving, just because he wants to feel your fingers twisted with his.

You are worthy of a person who doesn’t simply spend the night, but invests the early morning. Who cooks your preferred chocolate chip waffles with peanut butter and brings them on a tray to your bed when you’re sick. Who hums your favorite song, off-key and awkward, simply to make you laugh. Who takes you on a walk to his preferred hill in the area, and kisses you as the sun sets.

You deserve a guy who doesn’t simply invest the night, but invests the morning.

You are strong and gentle, figured out and caring, complicated and kind, and you are worthy of somebody who looks previous your flaws and the method you curl your hair, and sees your beautiful.

So please, my sister, don’t settle. Don’t settle for the man who texts you at three in the morning, or only when you’re at a party without him, or only when you’re happy with someone else.

Don’t opt for the kid who plays mind video games, who calls you hurtful names, who spins you around in his lies until you’re so woozy and worn out you simply give up.

Don’t settle for the man who sees just a face, only a body, due to the fact that you will constantly be more than a body.

I know you may feel lost right now. You might be frightened. You might be terrified of being lonely. And you might be believing However I assure you, theres so much more.

There will be a guy whose fingers will trace the freckles on your cheeks and send goosebumps down your back. Whose arms will hold you during the fireworks on the 4th of July. Whose lips will taste like your Mike’s Hard Lemonade due to the fact that he wont stop kissing you. Whose smile will make your head spin like you’re drunk, however even much better.

There will be a man who will answer your calls, who will take you on dates, who will, in spite of the range and in spite of the childish young boys of your past, truly Every. Single. Day.

So please pledge me this: That you will hold out for him. That you wont go for the lowered version of love. That you wont kiss away the unhappy taste on your tongue. That you wont go to sleep beside someone else, wishing for more.

There will be more. So much more.

Do not choose anything less than excitement and jumping beans in the pit of your stomach. Absolutely nothing less than permanently. Absolutely nothing less than beyond on a doubt that this is love.

Because I assure, you’ll find it. And it will be more beautiful than you ever imagined.

Stop being defensive in your love relationships

Unknowingly influenced by the tradition of court and school debate- -We usually have this kind of misconception when we are in love -The party who is’correct’ or possesses sufficient evidence reasonably’wins’ the argument. But this fundamentally misunderstood the meaning of being together. Being together is not to defeat the other half (the winner has no reward, except for the loneliness of self-satisfaction), It is to let both sides progress to become the best self. When one of them has a lot of correct insights about their other half, some kind of dispute arises. They may assert in a stern, skilled and almost happy tone: ‘You drink too much’;’You talk endlessly at parties’;’You always exaggerate’;’You are not responsible enough’;’You spend too much time Go online’;’You don’t exercise enough’.

The insight is not wrong, but it is so tricky. The criticizing party is correct but cannot win, Because in love, correctly seeing the faults of the other person will not win rewards. Attacking the opponent with indifferent energy is actually specious, We reduce our chances to achieve our true goal: the growth of people who must live with us. When we bear the difficulty of observing the mistakes we make, It’s not the blame itself that makes us angry and avoids everything. (We are very aware of errors) but the surrounding atmosphere. We understand that the other half is right, Understand how serious the criticism is, we just cannot accept it So we started to escape everything, Not because the accusation is wrong, But we are frightened: the lamp of truth flashes too bright. What we fear is admitting our mistakes, We will be crushed and appear worthless, Being asked to try hard without the need for sympathy, -And-unless we change ourselves, We will not ask for emotional support or forgiveness from each other.

This is why we insist that we do enough exercise, We are already working very hard, And we never waste any time on unspeakable web pages. When we are already burdened with shame and guilt, It is impossible to listen to the further reprimand of the lover. We have become too fragile in our hearts, It is impossible to admit another difficult insight about pointing out what we did wrong.

The irony of defensive arguments is that Excessive confrontation of error and pursuit of truth on the contrary makes the truth out of reach. There is a historical core example in the philosophy of lying, Plato called it a lie of justice. If a madman came and asked: Where is the axe? We are qualified to say that we don’t know- Because we understand that if we tell him the truth, They may use tools to do terrible things to us. In other words, we can legitimately lie when our lives are in danger. Sometimes when a partner asks an inquiring question, they may not really be looking for an axe. But psychologically, This is exactly how the other person makes us feel – This makes it somewhat reasonable to claim that we don’t understand what they are saying. For the accusing party, it may not be fair to bear the glass heart of the other party.

But if they want to help the relationship, It must be stated very clearly that they will not use truth (if it is knowledge) as a weapon. The sad thing is that we can easily admit everything only when the situation is more sympathetic. I am willing to confide my heartbreak and hurt. The answer is to create a situation where both parties accept that they are not perfect, Based on this, We all need situations of love and kindness, To accept that in order to evolve, both parties do have needs- And every thoughtful criticism is handled properly, Criticism must also be wrapped in a layer of words that can reassure the other party.

When people are told what they did wrong, they must accept when they don’t want to change; They will change when they feel fully supported to withstand the changes (always) they have known to make. Sometimes it’s not enough to be right in a relationship, You must be tolerant enough in love to let the lover admit his mistakes. Love is a skill we can learn. Through key gender issues, our love book guides us calmly and steadily.

To ensure success in love, you do not need to rely on luck.